Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Why I do this here...

Jess from Half of Jess wrote a great piece this morning about Vulnerability and Failure and it got me thinking about my own little spot in bloggy world.

When I first started blogging here it wasn't about weight loss, it was my life in general, hence the name. I mostly blogged about work since at the time, that was pretty much all I was doing. Over the last 2 years or so, I've been slowly learning that it's okay not to be working all the time and that sometimes you have to say no. To this day, I am still having a hard time saying no, but I am getting better at it.

All along, I've wanted to loose weight, I've been heavy big-boned my whole life. However, I never actually considered blogging about it and putting it out here until this past October when I wanted to start keeping track of my weight loss. I'd always been so pessimistic and set myself up to fail, I didn't want to fail to the world. So I didn't consider blogging about it early on.

When I got serious about my weight and how necessary it is for me to lose it, I wanted to put it all out there. Because if I had to type it and post it for the world then I wanted to be successful. I wanted to have a record of my weight loss journey so I would have something to look back on.

Sure, are there going to be down times, yes, I am human after all. It's taken me over 20 years to get fat, it isn't going to come off overnight. There is a lot of un-learning that needs to happen, a re-wiring of my brain and habits.

I am currently experiencing a down trend, I am not as focused as I once was or could be. I still have a long way to go in my journey. But I am not letting my gains (pounds) hold me back from my overall goals. I won't be discouraged and continue on this journey. I've gone back and re-read some of my successful posts and remember what it was like, what I was feeling when I wrote those. How happy I was to report losses and how great I was feeling.

Do I feel vulnerable putting my life out there? Yes, kind of, at first it was easy, no one read my little blog, but as I gain readers, I am feeling more vulnerable than ever. But then again, if I can inspire just one person to make a change, then it's all worth it. Although this blog has basically become a sounding board for my weight loss journey, I do still talk about other things going on in my life, my family, friends, DBF and obviously work. They all impact my life and all play a role in my weight loss journey as well.

When it's all said and done (will it ever be over? No, healthy living has no end) I started this blog to keep track of my life and the comings and goings. It's evolved into a weight loss blog of sorts, right now more of a personal record than anything else, but as I become more successful, I am hoping that this blog (including my early works) will inspire someone to make a change within their own life.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I'm glad you realize that it's OK to be vulnerable and not perfect. That's what we blog. To show our attempts at bettering our imperfections.

I think weight loss blogging is really sensitive, both to writer and reader, and it takes a lot of guts and courage to write about it :)

You are inspiring. Remember that.


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