Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wedding Taboo or Latest Craze: Prenup

So as we are getting closer to our wedding date something that I've sought advice on is a prenup.  With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, a statistic which by itself is staggering, but also to know that the percentage is probably higher amongst the fire service.

I do not hide the fact that my parents divorced and then in turn I am the product of a broken home. However, I would not change anything about how my life was lived. I think that I was a pretty well rounded kid and in turn, a pretty decent adult/human being.

I am thankful and hopeful that true love does exist, in that both of my parents found their eventual soulmate. I love both my stepmother and my mom's partner.

When Ben and I started getting serious about our relationship and eventually when we got engaged, we had discussed having a prenup, and we are still both very for it.

Our reasoning is that we are getting married later in life (I am 29 and he is 33), we both have established independent lives. By that, I mean we have retirement accounts that we want to preserve, in the event that things don't work out. We decided that it would be better to formally acknowledge this, in the form of a prenup, now, while we are still sane and even minded, rather than if we are going through a break-up and divorce, that we aren't so even minded. Let's face it, people can be really mean and nasty at certain times. NOT that I think this will ever happen, we are both committed to our relationship and making things work. We don't see a prenup as an easy way out of things, rather takes certain things (our retirement accounts) out of the equation.

I think it's a good sign of our great communication skills that we've been able to have this conversation and be smart about things. If we can talk about difficult and uncomfortable topics, it should prove that we have a good, solid relationship and we both have faith in our relationship. Talking about a prenup, has also led to conversations about what we would do to ensure that our relationship remains intact and strong. It's actually been quite reassuring to know that he and I are on the same page.

We can acknowledge that people and relationships change and if that happens we want to be able to grow emotionally and spiritually through the process, focusing on what is best for us (and hopefully our children). During that time of stress, we don’t want to have to worry about our financial well-being.

Some of my friends and family do not see our side of the situation. And to be honest, they don't need to, this is a decision that Ben and I have made as a couple. Pulled right in along side with what type of cake do you want for the wedding. Ben and I are both confident that we are willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work, and we are hopeful that this prenup is just a waste of money and never gets used.

In a time where prenups have a bad connotation, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate their usefulness. They aren't just for celebrities anymore.

I'll leave this with an analogy I read somewhere: you don’t plan to get into a car accident but you’d still wear a seatbelt, right? Just like you don’t plan to get divorce but sometimes bad things happen and you want to be protected for the unexpected.

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